Having an Oscar to your name is not something easy to get, especially if you have not relation with the movie industry.
People seem to forget what amount of work it’s put upon carrying the boulders of concrete to create the scene and they need to participate. NOT. It’s not that hard, I don’t give a fuck if the movie industry is hard, I only resent the people who watch the movies in order for them to get the money, and for dumb-ass stupid sad movies.
I don’t like to be saddened by a movie and see how bad the world is. I know that already, I need something to cheer me up. Of course you may say that a poor fellow would be much happier than me watching someone who is worse than him in a movie, BUT movies aren’t real life man. Bare it.
Some speeches are quite off the hook and make and outstanding representative for standing off, good as well as bad so I couldn’t decide some of them where to put it so I put them in both categories cause they make the decoration so much less boring.
I mean man, this must be a serious fucktard of a serious genius, sometimes you can designate being a very thin line between those two. Anyhow, here is my top 9 worst speeches of all time.
9. Hillary Shank, Best Actress, “Boys Don’t Cry” 1999
Regardless of this being one of the worst speeches/ moments in the Oscars, it made me shit my pants the jokes which Roberto Benigni(Hope he hasn’t got some sort of cancer cause he’d be one of the biggest losses in the world- cute guy).
I can’t get decided with what to start…she has so many flaws that wanna make me feel like strangling myself. She is quite arrogant, sayin’ ” thank God for me having the power to end this movie and do a great job” “as well for the whole cast crew who did a great job”, but she put herself above all else, what the actual fuck?
Not to mention that she is so stupid that she had to bring a fucking piece of paper to remember who to thank. What the actual fuck? You don’t possess a fucking memory? And worst of all she is nominated as a girl playing a boy. This is wrong in so many ways.
Your boobies are completely missing and makes wanna puke when I think to you as a possible female partner, What the actual fuck?! And she has a completely obnoxious face that’d make me wanna slap her. She is not suitable to be a woman for goods sake. Damn she is fucked-up.
8. Sean Penn- Best actor in “Mystic River” 2003
After a minute of applauding he hadn’t had enough, what the fuck Sean? And above all he kinda said, I earned it, not to mention that he had a golden statue in his hands.
Aaand after the applause were gone he started with a weak “thank you”. Seriously? You just were applauded for half an hour and all you did was “thank you, I know I deserve it”? Fuck you. And I think he is somehow retarded or some sort, babbling and shit every two fucking words.
And all he did was to enumerate the people he appreciated and thanked, better still than the previous fucktardese, the lady in the big fucking dress. I agree to myself, he is indeed retarded. And all above that he exit the stage all alone, not seeing that he had Nicole Kidman nearby, ready to show him the way. What the fuck man?
You had that beauty nearby and you don’t even think about joining her? Or you were going to be beaten by your wife and shit and you wanted no discussion over that subject and instead look like a total woos. Good job bro, you did it.
7. Angelina Jolie in “the Girl Interrupted” 1999
A good year, a good year indeed. For wine of course. “I am so in love with my brother right now” is her entering words besides the “I’m surprised no one has ever fainted there”. What… The…Fuck. Lady, you shouldn’t not expose those kinda shit mouth-openly, people could make an interpretation outta that shit.
She almost looks like starting crying like a baby right there on the stage and she also enumerated random people that don’t really sound a bell to me or anyone else except “ Mom “ and “dad”, I think with those I’m kinda familiar, but anyhow a banal, plane speech with no ups or downs, making it one of the down to earth, “nothing to see here, I’m out” and making me wanna question myself why the fuck did I like her in the past anyway, cause hell I don’t think of her as a beautiful woman, but more likely like a good actor for goodness sake.
Hope that you faint at your next nomination and you fall right in your head, than that would be a great moment in the Oscars, that there would be the greatest thing you could let the humanity with. Bad job Angelina, Bad job.
6. Nicolas Cage- Best actor in “Leaving Las Vegas” 1995
How many times am I gonna see Whoopi Goldberg again. What the fuck, is she in every Oscar presentation? I’m kinda sick of her.
Anyhow. Seeing him on the stage there kinda made me anxious what he could bring into the lights of the Oscars, being one of the most interesting characters on the pellicle of films, exposing his true self to the entire world when he is awarded that stupid statuette. He is just like the other.
I thank to Blah, blah, and of course blah, and I’m going to share it with blah and blah, I love blah and blah so much, and of course how could I forget blah, blah blah blah.
He had some trouble pronouncing names, making it obvious the fact that he had no fucking idea who he worked with, and he needed to correlate with something, not coming natural to him to pronounce the fucking names, or they had nicknames and he was quite stupid not to know their real names.
I like when he mispronounce “Regoune, Regan, everyone from Mga, Mgm “ not having a fucking clue which company he worked with and as well as Hillary Shank he had to bring a motherfucking piece of paper to remind him every single time that he is fucking stupid.
God he is stupid and let me down into the abyss to think. Damn, there’s nobody to worship on this planet? And he has his wife put on last in the thanking list. Daamn that will trigger some serious discussions back home. Watch out Cage, you will be stranded in one.
5. James Cameron for Best Director in “Titanic” 1997
He kinda went on shaking hands with everybody on his way towards the scene, kissing and cheering, damn he has lotsa supporters this fellow, Cameron, man, ok, let’s see what you’ll bring into life, cause till now there were only stupid actors, questioning if you merit the title of “stupid director”, the only one till now and it will be “the stupidest director”. Tihee.
Damn you are on a streak. The only thing to do for him is to mention his fucking cast, throw down a joke man, people adore them, we don’t fucking care who you are thanking for getting that retarded fucking statuette, we dooon’t care. Say something interesting and stop blabbering cause you look like a 5 year old that wants to say that he needs to pee. Fucking hell.
He tried in the end to do something interesting but it didn’t succeed. He tried to say that he is “the king of the world” but mate, put some more enthusiasm in that, you don’t need to return the statuette, make us think you are really enjoying it, not looking like a poor theatrical act in which you are thrown a random replica and have no fucking clue how it looks like, like “the king of the world” par example.
4. Sally Field for Best Actress in “Places in the Hearth” 1985
I must say, I enjoy more watching to guys getting their prize than she, and I’m not gay, I think, but the bitches seem to resent more the fact that other one of them won the prize and probably would get a cord or something to strangle the winner in order for them to get the prize.
She was pretty cocky on the stage stating” You like me, you like me” shouting the second “ you like me” from the bottom of her hearth and seemed to have a personal grudge with someone, somehow, cause she was the most proud possessor of the golden statuette, and she gazed like half of the time at her, what the fuck, you should speak to the crowd, not the statuette. Narcissist bitch.
Anyhow, emotional speech, not mentioning any stupid shit except herself, he thanked herself more than any other person in her life, dumb bitch, and seemed a little off the hook, cause I think she is schizophrenic or something. Good speech girl, good speech, not, but it still is one of the best in my list. The others were dumb fucktards and nothing to get outta the crowd with.
3. Marlon Brando for Best Actor in “The Godfather” 1972
He is my both categories being one of the best as well as the worst, cause let’s face it. Nobody really likes humanitarian acts in something cheerful and joyful like the Oscars.
We don’t care if your apache’s tribes are misjudged, we don’t care if they are resenting the treatment, we don’t care about anything. Be thankful that the fucking Americans let you for diversity in America, being the land of all possibilities.
If the Americans would’ve been so fucked up they would’ve erased you from the face of the Earth, but they had hearts and let you live, don’t get so cocky and obnoxious that people don’t treat you the same, cause let’s face it bitch, you are not the same, you have different cultures, different structures, different names and different everything, it’s fucking normal to be treated different, cause you fucking are. Face it.
And she goes all shy and frightened by the audience, why did you get up there in the first place Little Feather? Don’t pain your kids in colors and they will not be treated differently. Damn you’re dumb. Who put you there wanted to make fun of you or something cause this is serious shit.
I don’t hate you, but man, you were a naïve being to think that anyone would care about the humanitarian cause.
We are all animals and let’s face it, you aren’t no different than us, teaching your kids as well that they are different. The history states that as well. Grow the fuck up.
2. Melissa Leo for Best Supporting Actress in “The Fighter” 2010
They put on presenting on the stage a motherfucking mummy cause that grandpa is really past his expiration date.
The Death is searching him at home and he is standing on the motherfucking stage to present the Best Supporting Actress. Damn he’s old. And talks like an old man as well, not remembering the fact that he said “thank you” ten fucking times. What the fuck?
He sounds like he would die at the next word that he would say… Poor fellow… Damn he is funny in his own way. Cute grandpa. All forgetful and shit, with his slowly talks that are meant not to exhaust him. Aaand about her. He is fucking shaking like an orgasmic girl. What have you drunk little lady? And for quite a while she is not talking at all being all in a trauma or something, damn she is emotional. And outta that emotion she kinda spit out a “fucking” ooops.
Not meant to be in that show. And she kinda thanked anybody on this planet, hey fucktardese, you forgot me for writing about your stupid ass, arrogant ass in the ending where you said that you needed recognition. You have it. In a statuette. Don’t need to say about it what it represents fuck…
1. George Clooney for Best Supporting Actor in “Syriana” 2006
I quite like this guy but in this moments I feel like he hasn’t so much to offer. He did a speech that didn’t mention anyone at all like the other folks, but still, dunno, somehow, succeeded in making me snore throughout all his speech.
Damn that was boring. Are you an old man or what, even the grandpa before you was more interesting than you. Damn.