To be playing in this Academy Awards with the words in such a way to attract another votes in the future or simply that you are ecstatic in such a way you can’t control your emotions and make a terribly good speech that will be heard by people all around the world, with a number surrounding 40 million of them(poor little bastards, hoping to be as their role models one day. Hint. You won’t.)
These kinda awards are pretty prestigious being like the Tony Awards in theatre or The Grammy in music, it’s like best of the best, with numerous figures adding to that little shitty statue of theirs.
When you fart down a speech to the audience to express how good you were down there on the stage, you are put on another stage to make us know how hard your experience was, lifting that concrete block of course for the props. Or wait, you weren’t put to do those kinda shits? Then you are a lazy mothafucka and you deserve to die.
And cause this is my point of view of the best Academy Awards, regarding their speeches to determine which was better and which was not, cause of course, nobody cares about anything else than to see the winner take his prize and brag about it in live public, the host is as well as important as any determined champ taking the stand, making all the interconnections with the host, making a funny show and well welded thingie.
10. Cuba Gooding Jr. 1997
This speech starts like a fucking formal speech, making me wonder if he would be able to stand on the podium on my list, making me thing” well this is shitty as fuck” he’s all excited and all that can say is that he thanks his father and mother and his sweetheart and his children. AN FUCK THEM.
Who the fuck cares about them. Honestly. But then it quickly escalates when he hears the music on the background and felt like rushed to tell another thing, then, like in miracle, when he has to say a few more words, he remembers that he had a fucking co-worker in Jerry Maguire, more exactly Tom Cruise, “I love you, I love you brother” quoting word by word that he had a small memory, how could you forget the guy that put you in that position of being able to take that motherfucking statuette. Damn he has a short memory.
Anyhow, I really liked his speech in which you can see that he is emotional to the tip of his toes and that he is not able to do or say anything else that he loves everybody on this fucking planet for winning that fucking statuette. But lemme tell you bro. You are not the only one and soon you will forget how happy you were and will search to be happier still and you won’t be able and you’ll feel fucking miserable instead. But m’eh, it’s just my opinion.
9. Tom Hanks 1994
The only thing that annoyed me was the fact that he firstly start with a joke saying that the only person to trade his lover with would be Antonio Banderas. Ook..
Let’s say that it’s a good joke, or at least one of the jokes, but later on he pushed it a little further and saying that he owes all of his work to two gay people who, fucking hell, I cannot even remember, that annoying it was. What?! You said that you would trade your straight preferences first and secondly that you owe everything to a gay pair? Are you certainly not gay?
Cause you may seem that you’d wanna come out of the closet with those statements, and of course you were on the verge of crying, but m’eh, who am I to judge the gay people? Fuck you. I once liked you acting in the past but noow, now I resent you in the worst way possible.
But anyhow, it was a good speech with an emotional cord-line which held the audience mount openly the entire presentation of you dumb-ass speech. Go gay if you want, but never, ever act in a good movie please. Thank you. That was my speech.
8. Sally Field 1985
I must say, I enjoy more watching to guys getting their prize than she, and I’m not gay, I think, but the bitches seem to resent more the fact that other one of them won the prize and probably would get a cord or something to strangle the winner in order for them to get the prize.
She was pretty cocky on the stage stating” You like me, you like me” shouting the second “ you like me” from the bottom of her hearth and seemed to have a personal grudge with someone, somehow, cause she was the most proud possessor of the golden statuette, and she gazed like half of the time at her, what the fuck, you should speak to the crowd, not the statuette.
Narcissist bitch. Anyhow, emotional speech, not mentioning any stupid shit except herself, he thanked herself more than any other person in her life, dumb bitch, and seemed a little off the hook, cause I think she is schizophrenic or something. Good speech girl, good speech, not, but it still is one of the best in my list. The others were dumb fucktards and nothing to get outta the crowd with.
7. Adrien Brody 2003
This is a more recent event and it has in the first perspective Adrien Brody. He kissed the two ladies standing next to him and the presenter as well, Halle Berry. Geez I’d want to do the same to her, with the tongue and shit, she is one of the hottest chicks I’ve ever seen in my life, but anyhow, you lucky bastard with big nose.
His speech was quite emotional having in consideration that he has a big fucking nose, with lotsa references for the people he thanked and wished them good luck in life, with a reference to the violence and the wars going on in that period, somehow telling the people that he would love that war would be at hand and it would be peace.
Fuck you, you know, without war there would not be peace fucktard. Anyhow, he almost cried, giving him a major plus to his collection, as well that he hadn’t any written shits, and pretty humble having him compared with the previous Sally Fields. He is overall a good boy. God or Allah bless you all.
6. Roberto Benigni 1998
This is more like a Superman version with baldness, flying all around the public on the chairs in sign of happiness and ecstatic, making all laugh of his little outburst. At some point he was almost to fall on another’s man head but it’s ok, he didn’t.
His English is quite preposterous I’d may say, with a lot of the Italian accent which I thought it was a myth or something but this guy sounds just like an Italian mob making you look at him and ask all around “what the fuck is he saying” making you not understand like half of his little retarded speech about… nothing seriously.
He is a little smart I’d may say when he joked there about his parents giving the best gift you could ever imagine” poverty” making all laugh about that and making you essentially realize that life is a nice thing with lotsa ups and downs and at some point if you really wish for that special something it will get to you no matter the circumstances.
But anyhow, he was like cheered before the award telling, “Roberto, Roberto- Come get my panties”, the last part is made up but it sounded like that, making me think that the movie wasn’t that good as the bad were the other movies, making him win for a foreign award. Damn the movie industry making it all to the Americans and British people… Overall, good speech. Bring more bald guys please.
5. Jack Palance 1991
This old grandpa made me laugh. He was like one of the most funny of them all in a way hard to be imagined. He went up in the stage and said that he craps bigger than some random other bullshitter. This was his opening speech.
Afterwards he wanted to demonstrate that he isn’t an old bastard and he is still up and working, that he doesn’t forget things like the other grandpas and started to do a push-up with a single hand. I can do that as well, not that hard, but for someone at his age, a running actor who must be fit, it’s something very extraordinary. NOT.
Anyhow he was funny, as well as the last time he told a joke, that in 1949 he was told he would get an Oscar and of how right he was for saying so, that after 42 years… he did. Nice one grandpa. Nice one.
4. Woody Allen 2002
Sincerely I love Woody Allan in an indescribably way and I don’t have to really watch the award cause I know he is one of the best in what he does, and sincerely quite expecting to write about him.
It wasn’t as I imagined, him not winning any crap, only having to present the introduction to the other Oscars, himself being a quite awarded nominee and he describes that at some point when he was called, he thought they wanted their Oscars back and he panicked.
There wasn’t something to panic little guy, you were quite an actor back in the days and they have no reasons to take that from you.
“ I was asleep half of the presentation ”
Later on he bla-blad about lotsa stuff that I didn’t care and almost fell asleep but the actors who were in that theatre were still laughing no matter what he said.
And I thought, maybe this isn’t my domain, maybe I don’t understand the wines in the movie industry, in which he starts to say that he is shooting another movie about some love story– I fucking hate love stories– and how he plays a foot fetishist that falls in love with another professor footnotes. Good joke, bravos, the only that made me realize that I was asleep half of the presentation. Talk less buddy, okay?
3. David Niven 1974
This one is kinda sad and you’ll understand why after a few words. He was quietly presenting the Gala when at a moment some guy named Opel like the car who was a photographer sneaked in the back and entered the arena naked flashing a sign of peace and waving his ding-dong on the stage.
The amusing part, cause there is an amusing part as well is the reply in which David had come up with after his arrival blinding us all. “Isn’t that fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?”. The sad part is that in his art gallery in San Francisco the ding-dong mascot was killed… why?!
2. Joe Pesci 1991
This is right in the year I was born an quite frankly I adore this guy, there’s nothing bad to say about him, except the fact that… IT WAS TOO SHORT BUDDY. The only thing that he says is “ it was my privilege, thank you” … and that’s all… what the actual fuck…
1. Marlon Brando 1973
Aaand the trophy goes tooo… Marlon Brando. Yes I had to have a statue for myself. Fuck off. He sent a representative, a little girl who said it’s the president of the Apache tribes, called something Little-Feather.
And quote” He couldn’t accept the prize cause of the fact that he resents the apache for being treated bad in the movie industry and therefore he rejects it” or something like that. Who da fuck actually cares little lady? Get him the prize and fuck off.
Anyhow, a brave initiative considering the fact that she was boo-hoo-ed for their initiative and she remained calm after all those things. Nothing interesting to see there. Back to the I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck Mobile.