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Academy Awards

posted by Jim Beat

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academy awards

In this article I’ll be talking about the academy awards overall, having it to come up with a continuation with the best of them and of course, the worst of them, my favorite kinda dish. Muhahah.

In the beginning I must mention that there exists even a database for this shit, having all archived for our future generation to gaze at the non- 4k films that existed and hopefully give them a retina burn, please do that, please don’t let my hopes down. Anyhow, this is the mentioned site: http://awardsdatabase.oscars.org/, do as best you could do or wanna do, I dunno what shit you’d wanna search for in this but, here, have a useless crap site to join you in your useless quest. Take it.

This is quite an award I must say, a bitch-ass statue which represents a guy? I must see, yea a guy, named Oscar(my dog’s name is Oscar). Want a Oscar? It craps and shit and in the rest he does not do anything special. Anyhow, to be serious, the ceremony was foretold to be starting in the 1929, may 16th.

Since then a number of 270 captive audience was called to applaud those retarded folks and tell them how good they are and how much they need to keep on doing, blah blah blaaah. Geez, all that good-willing makes me sick. “I didn’t win the Oscar? Oh look at him, he won it, let’s applaud like I don’t give a fuck, and of course pat him on the back, yeah, here you go, keep on going, I’m gonna steal this shit in the night, muhahah, oops I said it out loud? Fuck I must be stupid. No problem cause they are all applauding.

first oscar gala placeSince then the ticket cost like 5$, an equivalent of 69 bucks– you could feed up an entire kinder-garden with those money lady, and was held annually at a bitch-ass hotel called Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, nice name, what could I say?  And yea, it held of only 15 minutes. 69 bucks for 15 minutes of bragging alongside the isle. It included a free-ass hooker at the departure from there? I can’t really imagine.

The results were usually given at 11:00 PM to the newspaper until, in some year, more precise 1941, the results were offered before the gala. And boom all the people were standing in the big room awaiting the result they already knew, and it was some crack-head to yell the results before the man upfront said the results, that would’ve been me to be more precise. Tihee.

A number of 15 statues are awarded each year for diverse things like, bitching, whining, gospel, irritating, smiling and not last of all, farting. This were the categories in which, numerous respected artists were to take their prizes in the movies they played with so much hard work(hard work my ass, they only have to act not to lift concrete boulders).

the famouse oscar statueThe amazing statues(made of some sort of shitty black metal)- Hey! What metal is black? No, not in the music industry. Some sort? Ok. So, some sort of black metal was made as the base for the statue, plated with copper, silver and 24 carats gold in which they put like only 3-4 grams in the big-ass statue of like 34 centimeters and, an interesting fact, during the World War II they used a painted sculpture cause of the gold shortage that time, in three consecutive years.

Here, take this wooden painted with oil sculpture for being the worst at what you do, yea yea, take it, you earned it. Bravoos, and applauding afterwards for the nigga that took it. Not necessarily to be black to be called a nigga right? The statue is made of black metal? Ok, that’s racism. Fuck this shit.

This is a very special shit, making its arrival to be very much awaited by the crowd as well as the nominees in which they hold special nameplates since 2010 which are wrote with all the nominees and planted the important one, recycling the other ones, before that, their statue was taken away and have it inscriptions, what scumbags. “yeaa, I won an Oscar. Nope, you didn’t, you don’t have your name on it, give it back. NOO. Give it back I said, I will punch you in the nose and you won’t be pretty for filming anymore”, that being the weak sport for an actor, to not be pretty for filming, and bang, they gave it back.

“ The Oscar statue is not for sale ”

The name of the statue comes back in time from, wait for it: someone’s uncle, or someone’s husband, what the actual fuck? Are you so fucking important that you were “the chosen” to take the statue name from you? NO, you are a worthless piece of shit. Bear with it. The actual name, sorry for the outburst, it is a total fucking mystery, leaving all the shitheads to take guesses and chances with this one.

The statue is actually not for sale, being written in the regulations of the event since 1950 when they tried in numerous occasions to make a decent buck outta that. But however, there were some fucktards that sold it like they had no kinda remorse over that.

Orson Welles, who won the Oscar in 1941 for Citizen Kane has put his Oscar in line, saying that he had not signed that agreement for that period, being before 1950, and was sold in an online auction in 20th of December 2011 for a staggering amount of $861,542. That would be enough to buy a villa and two cars, and good ones above all that.

In 1992, and this one is more understandable, Harold Russel, was in need for money for his ill wife, let it die mothafucka, the statue is more valuable, and you get one of those once in a lifetime, not like a retarded wife. Anyhow he won his as well before 1950 and had not signed any kind of agreement. He stated ”My wife’s(fuck her) health is much more important than sentimental reasons. The movie will still be here even if the Oscar won’t”.

winner of the oscars 2016He is the sole seller till this days who hadn’t any kind of drawbacks and no lawsuit for selling his fucking statue. The other people that tried to sell their statues were put in a lawsuit and they returned to the Academy Awards treasury. Smart fellows.

The voters are usually nominees and academy winners, like 33% out of them, 94% were Caucasians, 77% male and more than half above 60. They took the worst percentage to be voting, the most annoying part of the society and they put them to vote for those retarded nominees, as well as they were. And the number varies from 1200 to over 5100, heck of a pool.

The main target is to attract lotsa viewers for them to brag in front of them. Since 1983, there were more than 53 million spectators, that being the peak of the ceremony, till this days which gathered only 34.4 million.

Here are some more interesting facts about the Academy Awards, or short, Oscars:

  • In 1973, the youngest actress ever to won an Oscar was nominee Tatum O’Neal when she was only 10 for the best supporting actor. Yes. If a little kid could do this I don’t think very much about the prestige of the prize. A little girl man?
  • And to pose from the opposite side, here comes Christopher Plummer with an Oscar won for the same prize at the age of 82 in the Beginners in 2010. Compared to the little previous girl, this shithead won the same prize being 8 times more old than her. I don’t really understand where all of this comes from.
  • Liza Minelly was the single person who was a recipient for an Oscar, having both her parents winning this prize as well. Her Oscar went to the Cabaret in 1972.
  • In all the history of this event it may seem the ladies have no fucking clue when it comes to directing, Kathryn Bigelow being the first and only woman to win the prize for The Best Director for her Hurt Locker Film.
  • And remaining in the ladies department, Katharine Hepburn was the single lady to win 4 Oscars to her name, of course there wasn’t so many films to be playing in in that period but still. Her awards came for The Morning Glory-1933, cool movie, or at least the name is suggestive. Smiley face showing my teeth. As well as for Guess who’s coming to dinner– 1967, The lion in winter– the next year and On golden pond-1981.
  • The only rated film to win the Oscar was Midnight Cowboy in 1969, and the year is suggestive as well.
  • The record holder of the nominalizations is Meryl Streep, with an astounding 18 nominalizations, winning as well 3 Oscars for her appearance as the main character in Sophie’s Choice-1983 and The Iron Lady in 2012. She also won a prize for Best supporting actress for Kramer vs. Kramer in 1980.
  • The longest film to win Oscar is Gone with the Wind in 1939, having a length of 234 minutes. That should be a hell of a film.
  • The country with the most Oscars for foreign language is Italy, having no less than 10 awards.
  • And in the male category, the youngest male to win an award for the Best actor is held by a 29 years old shithead, the youngest female was only 10… Anyhow, his name is Adrien Brody for the film The Pianist in 2002.
  • The Godfather –part II played in 1974 is the only part in the series to receive an Oscar for Best picture Award.
  • For playing an academy award winner in The Aviator in 2004, Katharine Hepburn, Katharine was an award winner.
  • The male version to be nominee, and this is a winner, is Woody Allan, being nominated 24 fucking times.
  • The first black person to receive the statue was Sidney Poitier for his role in Lilies of the Field-1963.
  • Catherine Zeta-Jones is one of a kind. No kidding, I mean it, geez she’s hot and being nominated in the first time as well as being the time she won the prize for the Best supporting Actress in Chicago-2002.
  • The first deaf actress to win the Oscar was Marlee Matlin, for the film Children of a Lesser God.
  • The most nominated actor is Jack Nicholson, with 12 nominations at his belt.

    “ The most nominated actor is Jack Nicholson ”

  • The most successful films in history are Ben-Hur, Titanic and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, each being the proud owner of 11 Oscars.
  • The record holder for the longest acceptance speech ever is Greer Garson with as speech of over 5 minutes and 30 seconds. I think they kicked her outta the stand and from the shining lights.
  • The Oscar statuette is 34 Cm long and weighs 3,5 Kg.
  • For the most awarded director, Alfred Hitchcock was nominated 5 times, never ever winning an Oscar.
  • If the event kept on for 15 minutes in its first show, the longest was in 2002, hosted by Whoopi Goldberg and ran for four hours and 23 minutes.
  • Walt Disney was one of the most important figures in his time, winning 22 Oscars out of 59 nominalizations. As well as four honorary awards.
  • Linda Hunt is the only female to pose as a male and win an Oscar for that in The Year of living Dangerously in 1982.
  • The most frequent host prize goes to Bob Hope, hosting not less than 19 times.
  • The television program to broadcast the Awards is ABC and it broadcasted since March 29 in 1976.
  • The place in which the ceremony is held has only 3.300 seats of the guests.
  • The red carpet at the ceremony has a length of 152.4 meters.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jim Beat (see all articles)

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!

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