The FBI, or the Federal Bureau of Investigation, is one of the hard-hitting government agencies of the United States. No one crosses the FBI, except maybe the CIA, but they’re like brothers so don’t expect them to have beef with each other.
The FBI is one of the main reasons the United States of America is arguably the most powerful country in the world. It is a successful and secretive group that handles domestic and foreign crime within U.S. concern and is a vital instrument in maintaining peace and order inside and on the borders.
But being an organization of human beings, the FBI, too, is not perfect. The list below contains some of the imperfections of the highly respected group. If you look for FBI fails around the Internet, you will have a hard time finding lots of it because FBI must be pretty damn good if they play a huge part in keeping the United States’ status as a superpower.
Also, it’s FBI’s job to control information to maintain societal order, so it’s very likely that the FBI people are doing their best to cover-up their embarrassing moments… to keep the people’s confidence in them strong as always, of course.
10. Fantasy Tape Deemed Torture…For Listeners
Tennessee judge John Hagler made a fantasy tape with recordings so thrilling, FBI thought it was a torture session and associated it with an unsettled murder case. The tape did not indicate that Hagler was guilty of charge for anything, as attested by the police.
The tape was brought to the concerned authorities by a former secretary more than two years before it surfaced before public eye in 2008. The tape contained recordings of seemingly graphic erotic situations connected with former.
The tape, which was brought to authorities by a recently fired secretary over two years before its existence was made public in 2008, contained graphic erotic material tangled with Hagler’s legal transcriptions. Intriguing as it may seem, it is a mystery why FBI hide it from the public for more than two years when they believe that Hagler was dangerous and out there hearing trials.
If Hagler was indeed innocent, why reveal it all of a sudden? The tape was leaked by an unknown source and forced Hagler to retire early, while the unsettled murder case the FBI associated Hagler’s tape with still remains unsettled to this day.
9. Osama bin Llamazares?
Do you hate the FBI? You would hate them more if you discover that one day, you see your face on street posters and all of a sudden, you realize that you’re the most wanted AND hated man in the world (ironically)… all because the FBI forgot to acquire an updated picture of Osama Bin Laden, who you apparently look like (at least in their eyes).
This is the life of Gaspar Llamanzares
Long before Bin Laden was successfully eliminated from the face of the Earth, the United States government is at wit’s end in finding his location and providing an accurate and updated photo of him, since their photos of him were shot decades ago. They were not impressed with the results of aging Osama’s pictures so they resorted to using Google Images.
They tried to construct Bin Laden’s face using facial features from Llamanzares, a member of the Parliament of Spain, who had campaign photos all over the Internet. It was a convenient opportunity for the FBI. Llamanzares was so disgusted and outraged over the shameless use of his facial features that he vowed to never feel safe in the United States ever, after what FBI did.
8. FBI Gets Down in It
Burhop, Michigan was onto something big… something that involves an apparent gruesome cult murder. Balloons were discovered to carry a super-8 camera that shows a video of people surrounding a dead youth somewhere in the cornfields.
A whole year and more were spent in searching the location of the crime scene to finally identify who the people in the video were. When the searched turned unfruitful, FBI was called to finish the job.
They studied the tape and broadcasted a clip of the video on national TV, requesting the public’s help in solving this Twilight Zone-like crime. They should’ve just asked high school kids in the first place.
FBI, with all its intel skills, couldn’t even distinguish a cult murder footage from a music video. The whole investigation blew up into an outrageous disgrace when an art student revealed that the murder victim of the super-8 footage was actually Trent Reznor, the front man of the band Nine Inch Nails and the footage happened to be the music video of the NIN single Down With It.
It all became more ridiculous when Reznor was asked to come over to Chicago to prove that he’s alive and kicking and that the blood on his face in the video was just cornstarch and food coloring.
Just when the government thought rock music is demonic music, FBI just helped the world of rock prove otherwise. This maybe not much of a fail at all.
7. Driver’s Ed
Does anyone know if it’s FBI protocol to have their agents test-drive a best-in-class Ferrari F50 before returning it to its real owner, crash it into a bush, and reject his responsibility to from pay $750k in repairs? Because FBI Agent Kingston did exactly that.
The car was stolen last 2003 from a dealer residing in Pennsylvania. It was held in Lexington, Kentucky when Kingston was assigned to drive it out of the garage in 2009. He called his buddy, assistant federal prosecutor J. Hamilton Thompson, and proceeded to drive it around.
Thompson timidly denied improper and irresponsible handling, and tried to convince the insurance company that the car uncontrollably slid sideways into the pavement a few moments after they left the garage. The agent tried to regain control but the F50 acted like it had body-splitting powers and fishtailed and crashed into the bush, based on what Thompson is implying.
The two couldn’t provide more information regarding the disaster. The Justice Department said they are not liable for certain goods when they’re in the hands of law enforcement, after the owner request for damages.
Stealing cars must be a rewarding side job if you’re an FBI agent. Just crash the car when you’re about to get caught and you’re not liable anymore.
6. He’s Wearing a (Non-functioning) Wire!
Undercover FBI agents posing as assassins do specific standard routines whenever they get caught in a sting. They either face the man testing them so that the spy camera can get a nice shot of the man or they make sure the audio device they have works well enough to record or receive great sound.
The FBI Denver branch has a record for failing both STANDARD routines that are part of the most basic of covert agent practices in the bureau. A man named Brooks Kellogg was accused for attempting to hire a killer to kill a co-worker who sued him for $2.5 million worth of compensation.
Because the FBI thinks that they work for the government of piss-poor country, they actually used a video camera that recorded no sound and captured worthless video when they tried to catch Kellogg red-handed. Kellogg got almost off the hook because of this. What made everything worse is the revelation that the whole case was founded on a claim by a witness that happened to be a felon and a mistress. Did we mention that the undercover agent talked to Kellogg like he’s auditioning for a minor role in a TV crime show?
Imagine if they were actually using a working recorder. You’d think that the exchange was ripped off from CSI.
5. 1-800-FBI-FAIL
It’s understandable to miss paying a bill or two. We all have our lapses and this kind of negligence is forgivable. Just go on with your life for a few days without communication lines then have it back again and avoid making the same mistake again.
Seems manageable, right? Well yes, unless you’re a government agency assigned to maintain the domestic and national security of the country with the most number of haters and you’re actually in need of communication lines to render your surveillance and security technology operational.
This farce actually happened to the FBI last 2008 when they had their telephone lines cut off in the middle of an investigation concerning national security. Because of this, they missed out on a myriad of chances to acquire crucial evidence just because they couldn’t do that one simple job of paying bills on time.
A justice department report states that they assessed almost a thousand telecom surveillance payments made by five FBI field divisions and more than half of them were delayed payments… assuming they were even paid at all. One service provider sent a list back to FBI containing a statement of $66,000 worth of unpaid surveillance activity bills.
Yes, the 2008 financial crisis was that bad.
4. Today’s FBI. It’s for you.
The United States is a melting pot of cultures and ethnicities. FBI followed suit by committing to diversifying their workforce. They did their job so well that their employment website gathered a great number of people from different ethnic backgrounds, proving their multicultural stand and brand.
But somehow, ironically, there is a lack of representation of pre-White American people in the FBI. By pre-White Americans, we meant people who are real blood descendants of people who actually lived in American lands long before the first white man arrived, like Native Americans (duh) and indigenous Alaskans.
Last 2009, the multicultural page that was mentioned featured an image of former special agent Elizabeth Morris. Morris claimed that her firing was allegedly influenced by that one time she filed a complaint for prejudice in the work place. She claimed that the reason she filed the complaint is the insensitive racially remarks of her supervisor and unethical practices of her her co-worker, who is another agent.
The so-called multicultural and ethnically diverse FBI showed her photo only a full two years after she was fired for being a victim of racial discrimination, the last thing FBI wants to be associated with. What’s the reason for this sloth-like activity? Well, FBI said they had trouble choosing a photo to represent the first people of America because they thought all Native Americans and indigenous Alaskans looked the same.
O say, can you (not) see (the differences between individuals)?
3. Search, Seizure, and Surrender
If you’re one of, if not, the best crime-fighting team on the face of the Earth, what are your reasons for not bringing important documents and surveillance photos when you’re raiding someone’s private residence? Hubris? Negligence? Just plain badassery? Face it. Pros will use documents and surveillance photos and actually bring them over.
FBI, like the pros they are, did exactly the right thing when they scoured the private home of Mick Kelly and his partner, Linden Gawboy, like a horde of Mongol raiders. FBI caused so much disdainful mess for Kelly, an aggressive political activist fighting against FBI repression, that it took the FBI seven months for the confidential gov-op orders beneath all the mess and the couple’s cluttered papers.
The operations order contained the details of the raid plan, surveillance photographs, and questions for Kelly and other activists that pose as a threat, according to FBI, due to their alleged ties to socialist groups. Kelly said that the questions have that 50’s commie-phobic vibe.
To add to FBI’s embarrassment, Special Agent Steve Warfield can’t even answer when they were asked about how FBI can commit the incompetent action of leaving ultra-important classified documents behind in a mess after wrecking half a house and realize only after seven months that they lost all of them when the documents were published online.
It looks like they don’t teach FBI personnel how to save face and own up to idiotic actions.
2. The Case of Mistaken Whiteys
Germany’s famous crime show, Aktezeichen XY, was contacted by the FBI (expect spike in ratings) to help them find former Mafia member James “Whitey” Bulger by broadcasting some of Bulger’s alleged recent photos with his girlfriend hiding in Europe in 2008.
For a highly praised organization for its top-notch investigation skills, the FBI couldn’t be bothered to check if it’s actually Whitey and his girlfriend who were in the pictures. The photo shows an elderly couple that the whole FBI team unanimously acknowledged as the Mafioso and his female lover. With the picture and some vintage ones came a warning that Bulger was wanted for 19 murder charges and may be armed all the time and is definitely dangerous.
Calls came like a tsunami, reporting sightings of the armed and dangerous couple. FBI sighed in relief when new leads came and the prospect of having an early German vacation. But the dream of all night drinking in German pubs and eating wurst got shattered when a German local called and confessed that the people in FBI’s picture were his parents, who are both non-threatening retirees and surprised to discover that they’re the center of a hyped up international crime chase.
It just so happened that Whitey was already arrested in his own home in Santa Monica, California two months before FBI went to Germany. It was never revealed if Whitey and his lover even went to Germany at all, ever. You’re probably thinking that these things only happen in police comedy shows and movies.
1. An obviously obvious SSID fail moment
The United States’ culture is founded on freedom, and that freedom includes the freedom to possess firearms and explosives for some justifiable reason. Police in Tampa, Florida had to stop a situation from turning into a Columbine-level disaster when 17-year-old Jared Cano attempted to bomb the living hell out of his classmates.
Every evidence there is (and there are lots of it) points to Cano suffering from mental instability before his capture, which includes several catch-and-release instances caused by charges of fire-arm burglary, felony-level weapon offenses, grand theft, and several misdemeanor crimes involving drugs.
Despite having all the resources and abilities to take even at least a little action regarding the matter, the state of Florida chose to take none, even when Cano’s Facebook profile revealed a picture of him brandishing a machete, stating a quote from Law-Abiding Citizen, saying “Lessons are not learned in blood are soon forgotten.” Looks like Florida believes that boys are just like that, hmm?
It’s not like FBI did not do squat. They deserve legit props for doing a great job in stopping Cano from murdering people. An informant spilled some beans, claiming that the authorities investigated Cano’s room and found a treasure trove of bomb-assembling materials and parts, a logbook containing a by-the-minute plan to out-massacre all school massacres in history, and a stash of mad marijuana.
All the badassery the FBI exhibited was drowned immediately, sad to say. Cano’s Facebook had an update days before the raid, stating that his friend was trying to connect to a wi-fi internet connection and a network named FBI_SURVEILLANCE_VAN appeared on the list.
It was just so convenient that Cano, with all that Florida education in his brain, had insufficient deducting skills to determine the implication of what his friend saw. It was just so surprising the FBI, of all entities, would be this careless to reveal their SSID and more careless to actually name their SSID “FBI_SURV…” like they’re offering sign-ups for free wi-fi as public service promotion. Imagine how big a blunder would have been caused if they failed to stop Cano because of this.