These are the kind of movies that make your viewing a waste of your precious time as well as wanting that Men In Black come over to your place and flash the hell out of your guts only you won’t be able to remember the crap you just previewed.

Some of them are a simple “artistic” attempt over creating something “beautiful” so as the world could admire it and say” Wow, this life has so much to offer”, but instead makes you that in some cases like the followings that life could be able to take as well.

Yea, life is able to take the loved ones from your side; it should be able to take this crappy stories as well for much as I’m concerned. This are the kind of movies you must be paid in order to see them and still not enough to be able to function as a proper human being.

---

6. The Kid(1921) – O Garoto

Charlie Chaplin. At last a name that I recognize and which I can resonate with.  Written, Produced and Directed by the one and only Charlie Chaplin. “A picture with a smile-and perhaps, a tear” saying at the beginning wanting to underline the single style known of him, a simple man, in search of peace, and of course tearing the smiles out of people’s faces.

Wonderful picture transcending not like in the same era The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. What amused me was the fact that at the very beginning the lady with the child was all alone in the park and the film stood up in underlining this fact by putting a picture of “Alone” –d’uh, we can all see that.

Nonetheless this movie really made me smile, fairly making any sense but a good movie anyway. I think I’m more subjective than objective having Charlie Chaplin as the main actor, but some critics say this is not something to be looking after for in case you want to be inspired for another art form.

It had a huge success in his time, being the second grossing film behind the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  The preservation of the film was done very good without any dead scenes or spots on the roll, being selected in 2011 for keeping in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress, being “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant.”

Cast

It starred in most of the film Charlie Chaplin as A Tramp, Jackie Coogan as The Child (“John”), Edna Purviance as The Woman, Carl Miller as The Man, Tom Wilson as The Policeman, Henry Bergman as Night shelter keeper/Professor Guido, Charles Reisner as Neighborhood bully, Raymond Lee as Bully’s little brother, Lita Grey as Flirtatious Angel, Jules Hanft as the country doctor-loved his comedy perspective, very impulsive for that period and really neurotic push, anyway, he played a doc, so you must understand docs are not in for jokes in that manor, but he eclipsed Charlie Chaplin for a brief period.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmDWlm3O8Sk

---

5. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)

One of the first horror film ever released in history, considering the fact that even though Germans, being a German production, had a very rough time near that period of time right around the corner of World War I, having lots of inspiration sources to suck upon.

Critic Roger Ebert called it (debatable)” the first true horror film”, and film reviewer Danny Peary called it cinema’s first cult film and predecessor to arthouse films.

One of the main actors looks just like Charlie Sheen and his fiancée in the movie resembles a man most of the time. Not to mention everybody looks so damn pale, I understand it’s a horror movie but they should’ve let it softer with the talc.

I must be clear – at this “horror movie” I almost fell asleep, so scary and deep it was, I couldn’t even see blood, only some funky shadows fighting on the wall.

Where are the frightening, the horror, the blood baths and decapitations? Truly an hour of wasted life. Even the background, all made out of cardboard in various shapes, made me feel that all the movie was shot in a since place, with no outside communication, none at all, considering the fact that mostly the shots were in so called forests and town.

Really retarded but most people consider it the quintessential work of German Expressionist cinema, “most widely discussed film of the time”- Of course, cause it’s retarded.

Cast

Werner Krauss as Dr. Caligari, Conrad Veidt as Cesare, Friedrich Feher as Francis, Lil Dagover as Jane Olsen, Hans Heinrich von Twardowski as Alan and Rudolf Lettinger as Dr. Olse. The rest don’t count but in my opinion not even the first count at something. It’s a poetry of a film and nobody likes poetry.

---

4. The Birth of a Nation(1915)

Seemingly a good movie, worth seeing somehow, a melodrama or silent epic drama film, directed by D. W. Griffith and starring Lillian Gish.

Leaving all the jokes aside, the film was a commercial success, though it was highly controversial of black men, in the lack of them, they painted some white fellows as being black and went on with the movie, as well as unintelligent and sexually aggressive towards white women – Well that’s why it sold- Aggression, sex, cars, wars, a movie made for me.

Seeing that white-black dude running for a lady made me laugh at his retarded face, seriously making fun of black people being desperate for sex and all. The box office gross is not known, being a long subject to be discussed. Griffith’s records situated around his earning at $5.2 million till 1919. In 1992, the Unite States Library of Congress named the film “Culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” and selected it for preservation in the National Film Registry.

Cast

This film’s cast is huuge, having armies in his contents but leaving aside the immensity of that I will let the important names come off. Lillian Gish as Elsie Stoneman, Mae Marsh as Flora Cameron, Henry B. Walthall as Colonel Ben Cameron, Miriam Cooper as Margaret Cameron, Mary Alden as Lydia Brown, Ralph Lewis as Austin Stoneman, George Siegmann as Silas Lynch, Walter Long as Gus, Robert Harron as Tod Stoneman, Wallace Reid as Jeff the blacksmith, Joseph Crowell as Mrs. Cameron, Spottiswoode Aidken as Dr. Cameron, George Beranger as Wade Cameron, Maxfield Stanley as Duke Cameron, Jannie Lee as Mammy, Donald Crisp as General Ulysses S. Grant, Howard Gaye as General Rober E. Lee and the rest who don’t really count only flashing through our eyes throughout the movie.

---

3. Cabiria(1914) or Giovanni Pastrone

“…A text could be written about the impact of Pastrone’s experiments in lighting and camera movement, decisive in freeing the movies from the proscenium.”—Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times.

Starting with that it is probably one of the most influential ever made in that period, even for decades, being available to the public only in a severely truncated version. James Gauthier made the silent movie have an aura of understanding protruding through the scenes.

The graphic is clearly more advanced not becoming an eye problem to the viewer and the expressivity is much more clearer than the precedent plus the fact that between scenes, random text fly along to explain what’s happening actually or actual lines so we may see in the future as well used, and still are in parodies nowadays.

As artistic eyesight I’d may say that it’s not that bad. Worth watching when you haven’t anything else to see in this life.

Cast

Carolina Catena– Cabiria as a child, Emile Vardannes- Batto, father of Cabiria, Gina Maragoni- Croessa, nurse of Cabiria, Lidia Quaranta- Cabiria as an adult, Dante Testa- Karthalo, the high priest of Carthage, Umberto Mozzato- Fulvio Axilla, the roman patrician and spy, Bartolomeo Pagano- Machiste, the slave of Axilla, Raffaele di Napoli- Bodastoret, the innkeeper, Emile Vedannes – Hannibal, Carthaginian general, Edoardo Davesnes- Hasdrubal, Carthaginian general, the brother of Hannibal, Italia Almirante-Manzini- Sofonisba, the daughter of Hasdrubal, Alessandro Bernard- Siface, King of Cirta, Luigi Chellini- Scipione, the Roman consul and general, Vitale Di Stefano- Massinissa, King of Numidia, Enrico Gemelli- Archimede, the Greek engineer and philosopher and Ignazio Lupi- Arbace.

---

2. The Great Train Robbery (1903)

One of the best movies I’ve seen so far- NOOT, just kidding. Besides the entire movie is muted letting you imagine what kinda crappy lines they had, the only good thing about it is that the décor is not made out of cardboard. What amazed me was the magical rope that appeared out of nowhere to tie of the cashier.

Also the noise made by rolling out the movie is terribly excruciating, sounding like a piece of paper blown by wind on and on and on and on. It reminds me of old good western movies where hunger was the main actor in the scenery of the movie and always a stupid gang member in it.

It has so weak theatrical air it makes me puke, making a falling after a shot like a ballerina on ice. At least it has no cardboards. Be silent for fucks sake. In the end all the movie I was like: “Is it over yet?-no. Damn“. Everyone dies. End of story.

Although in the description it is said that: “This sensational and highly tragic subject will certainly make a decided `hit’ whenever shown. In every respect we consider it absolutely the superior of any moving picture ever made. It has been posed and acted in faithful duplication of the genuine `Hold Ups’ made famous by various outlaw bands in the far West, and only recently the East has been shocked by several crimes of the frontier order, which fact will increase the popular interest in this great Headline Attraction.” this is not my opinion AT ALL.

Cast

Alfred C. Abadie as the Sheriff, Broncho Billy Anderson in three hypostasis, as a bandit, the shot passenger and a tenderfoot dancer, Justus D. Barnes as the Bandit who fires at the camera at the end of the movie, Walter Cameron as another sheriff, Donald Gallaher as the little boy, Frank Hanaway as a bandit, Adam Charles Hayman as a bandit, John Manus Dougherty, Sr. as the fourth bandit. In rest Marie Murray as Dance-hall dancer and Mary Snow as the little girl.

---

1. A Trip to the Moon(1902)

The first thing that came into my mind seeing this movie it was a pure blank space filled with “what the fucks is it going here”, the music resembling a hip-hop genre going up to the top of a creepy sounding.  A family of Gandalf’s the Grey visited by some chicks, everyone holding up a telescope and cheering up like retarded folks.

Good God I couldn’t hear them.  A stupid interpretation of an astronomy class back then in 1902, becoming suddenly a group step dancing monkeys embarking on a cardboard made space shuttle painted in pink in the remastered version, having three dudes hammer banging a single piece of iron.

Not to mention the whole background made of cardboard and a lot of ugly chicks. The most density of ugly chicks I’ve ever seen in my life. Having snow on the moon is a stupid hypothesis considering the fact that it has no kind of atmosphere and inhabitants colored green like some kind of atomic mosquitoes.

Long – short story, a splendid eye-gouging spectacle (an imaginary trip to the moon). Anyhow, it was better made than the original landing of Neil Armstrong. At least the music sounds like modern retarded music.  I mean electronic, sorry.

For that period it was a splendor to see recorded something on a screen, signaling human evolution in time. An original film print was found hand-colored in 1993 and restored later on in 2011.

Cast

Georges Méliès played Professor Barbenfiuillis, Bleuette Bernon as Phoebe, Francois Lallement as the officer of the Marines, Henri Delannoy as the captain of the rocket, Jules-Eugene Legris as the parade leader, Victor Andre, Delpierre, Farjaux, Kelm, and Brunnet as the astronomers. Ballet of the Théâtre du Châtelet as stars and the acrobats of the Folies Bergère as Selenites.

When asked in 1930 what inspired him for this film, Méliès pointed out in the direction of Jules Verne’s novels “From the Earth to the Moon” and “Around the Moon”