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Luckiest 10 Survivors of an Apocalypse

posted by Jim Beat

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Luckiest X Survivors of an Apocalypse
1. Iron bar in builder\'s head
2. Elevator free fall
3. Formula 1 accident
4. 12.000 feet fall
5. Jaywalking girl
6. Strike by lightning twice
7. Fatal truck accident
8. Half ton of bacon
9. Stucked in a car windshield
10. Plane crash survivor

We’ve all seen shows of people that survived crashes and accidents and we wondered, what kinda ridiculous God made them escape.

There are all sorts of Gods in this world, grain Gods, fertility ones, beauty ones, but what kinda God is capable of saving them in that manner in which they are still alive after those kinda accidents? If you know please lemme as well.

Some of the titles I’m about to show you are quite ridiculous and don’t deserve any other specification over them but I will still find the power to comment them, if you want, you could do as well, but I’ve never seen comments on this site so I’d be grateful with only a view.

I dunno why there aren’t involved kinda guys in this site but I’d wish for some interaction with the readers. Please interact with me, pretty please, with a cherry on top. Never mind.

So these are the fucktards that deserve a some other kind of Darwinian prize in which they have to put in stake only their luck, cause nonetheless they don’t quite deserve to live cause they are stupid and probably they are here only to make us angry. Shoo, fuck off, I wanna see some dead bodies.


10. Former UK Independence Party Leader survives plane crash while campaigning

luckiest survivors list

See, this is what’s happening if you are sticking your nose where you have no fucking business, you get a plane crash.

Fuck politics, fuck you and fuck your friends who encouraged you to make this stupid-ass campaign. You have no actual business in this shit so let it go. The Gods have spoken, no more campaigns for you Mr. Guy, or more exactly Nigel Farage.

I fucking hate campaigns and those who like and do it, they are the most retarded kinda persons. Why do that, why sympathize with someone that’s gonna steal your salary later?

The question is how the fuck did he survived cause this kinda accident usually leads to death, and he declared that after the crash he also saw the gasoline spilled all around his expecting to burn in flames, die mothafucka.

But no, he was totally safe after the crash and he escaped with only a few broken ribs and as well he went outta the hospital in only two fucking days. This is quite a lucked. I think I’ll start my own campaign.


9. The Newspaper Delivery man who got stuck in a car windshield after being hit

luckiest survivors list

This is a more normal title to begin but the description is not. But it’s logical. One of my 1st questions why was a 56 years old delivering newspapers? I know that usually there are taken the younger folks to deliver newspapers not the hags that have no life left in them.

This guy was stuck in the windshield when an intoxicated hag, another one, hit him and even though the guy on the windshield yelled” Hey, I’m the one on your car”, the car driver didn’t acknowledge the fact that someone is in fact on his car. The biker declared that he has no idea why he didn’t see that obvious aspect and still keeping on driving.

After he terminated with the walk, the driver decided to stop into another car to make a bumpier ride for the new passenger. Gove, because that’s the name of the old hag on the bike, asked the other hag in the car “who are you?” “What are you doing in the car?”. What could’ve the car driver response to those questions? “I’m Santa Claus and I started looking for elves for my factory”? I think not.

The other hag was taken to hospital later on that day and treated for glass on his palms and why not, glass in his eyes. Auch, that must’ve hurt.


8. The man who escaped after being crushed by a half ton of bacon

luckiest survivors list

This looks like a yammy title and of course one of my favorite ways to die. Who wouldn’t like to be crushed of half ton of delicious bacon?

Would you like in exchange to be crushed by a half ton of human whale? I don’t think so. At least you could savor in the last minutes in your life a piece of delicious bacon. Wasn’t I right? Of course it would be better not to be in such sorta situation.

Anyhow, at the hospital it was discovered that he had only minor back injuries and the policeman declared, the retarded one that made the report about the accident: “It’s a rather unusual accident, you might say”- of course it is dumbass, how many people have you heard of being responsible with bacon and mess it up? I tell you, most people that are handling bacon are more careful with the precious cargo cause they know the value of their stuff, not like this guy.

You might say that he meat his maker. Get it, ah, get it? No? Fuck you!


7. The man who escaped near fatal truck accident and then won the lottery-twice

I think this man had a sheer amount of luck. Maybe when he passed the other side, the faith ladies, you know, those who are blind, old and cutting the life strings of those who aren’t supposed to live any more. You don’t?

Go to fucking school and then read me please. Ok when he was on the other side I think the ladies poured a little more luck than it supposed to need on the string, you know, cause they are fucking blind and when he woke up he was like stepping into a lotta shit and had the amount to win the lottery… twice. What the fuck destiny ladies?

Give me some, not much, cause I don’t need to rule the world, just a little bit to get high and then win some random contest in NASCAR or something like that and be fucking famous, can you do that for me? Please, I promise I will make an accident as well for you, at the end of my life or so, to not risk it all, to lend you something to do when you are bored.

He scratched a fucking ticket after his 12 days of coma, being like 14 minutes clinical dead, and he won a $17.000 car. After a while he scratched another one and won $170.000. That’s sheer luck. After that his girlfriend who accepted after that to be his bride declared that she hopes he hadn’t wasted all his luck in those events.


6. The rodeo clown struck by lightning TWICE the same day

luckiest survivors list

This is another kind of luck to be struck by. Do you get it? Never mind. It’s said that to be strike by lightning is like winning the lottery and this poor fellow succeeded to electrocute himself twice in a single fucking day.

While at a rodeo contest he covered under a tree and hoped for the best. The 1st time he was struck for being under the tree and 2nd time while he was laying on the ground right in the fucking tip of the boot, feeling like his toe just exploded, he declared.

I think the fucking destiny ladies got it wrong and the moustache man, cause he had a fucking moustache, the truck driver I’m talking about now, and he was supposed to be dead for real, after the accident to be hit two times by lightning, seems like a good decision for a moustache wearing fellow, guy, pardon me, cause no moustache man would be my fellow.

“ He was supposed to be dead for real ”

Instead of hitting the truck driver it struck the clown man who was supposed to be getting two ticket lotteries for his poor retarded job of his. Who da fuck likes to be playing a clown at a rodeo contest? Nobody, I tell you.

After this event the rodeo clown decided to go to church more, making him stupider by starting to believe in Santa Claus again. Poor fellow. The lightning made him retarded … some are retarded by nature, poor fellow.


5. A jaywalking 14-year old girl was hit by two cars and survived

luckiest survivors list

This is something to be considered lucky about. Anyhow, if you were to consider that the cars weren’t at full velocity, you wouldn’t consider the girl lucky and you’d invoke logic in this area. She was stupid, she hadn’t any idea that she would be hit and survive and overall escape with minor leg injuries.

The real stupid part of this story is the fact that when the two cars that hit her, 1st a red truck which threw her onto a black Cadillac making her feel like a fucking Ping-Pong ball, the car owners flee the fucking accident place, being later on charged with vehicular hit and run.

Why would you run the scene? Were they hurrying to somewhere? Cause otherwise I can’t explain myself why would it end like this. We’ll never know.


4. The skydiver who fell 12.000 feet from the sky and lived

luckiest survivors

This is more of a surreal kinda happening. This fellow right here was attempting a routine jump, being one of the 10 best sky divers in the world with over 7000 jumps under his belt and realized at some point that his chute won’t open.

In a frenetically manner he tried to keep calm and trigger his reserve one. That didn’t work as well, unlucky bastard so the only thing that he could do was to wave at the camera and yell his last goodbye. Damn he is unlucky till this stage.

The most amazing thing is the fact that when he hit the ground he only had a punctured lung and a fucking broken ankle. Like in any sport. I don’t understand the logic behind his fall. Doesn’t he have to die after such a fall? Aren’t supposed the gravity and the velocity run wild and slam the hell outta him when he landed? Suppose not, cause he fucking lived to tell the story. Daaamn.


3. The racing driver who was thrown from a car after hitting a barrier and survived

luckiest survivors list

He was driving a Lotus, one of the most crazy kinda cars invented in this world, I fucking love the design and at a point, his Formula 1 car that was running on the track from Spain called Jerez fucking hit a barrier and bam, it was totally crashed and he flew with his seat in the fucking thin air at some point.

The fact is that he survived the crash even if his helmet was crashed and his car was into smithereens. He only had a lung puncture, broken legs and brain bruise. After a serious recovery program he was only walking with a slight limp, being prone to not walk at all, but somehow he survived and lived to tell us the and hopefully drive again in the Formula 1 circuit.


2. The Empire State building elevator operator who survived a plane hitting the building and the longest elevator free fall.

luckiest survivors list

I kinda, don’t understand at all the title. Lemme survey this shit and come back with an explanation. Yea, so there is a some random Betty Lou Oliver who was in the building when a B25 Bomber hit the freaking building making her suffer severe burns.

After that, the medical staff that was in that building took her via the elevator but the cable snapped and she was free-falling 75 floors to the building’s basement.

And she survived the fall that killed freaking King Kong. Now she rests with the Guinness record for the longest elevator free-fall. In a grave or something cause she is dead now.

My only question is why the hell you would put a woman in charge of an elevator, or on anything for that matter.


1. The construction worker who had his skull punctured by a six-foot metal bar right through

luckiest survivors list

He was just a worker minding his own business when a six-foot metal bar ran through his skull from the 5th floor entering his back of his head and exiting through the eye canal.

He miraculously survived but he lost eye sight with one of his eye(the one the bar exited of course) and paralyzed on one of the sides, poor little fellow. That’s how business is going down in Brazil. They aren’t quite equipped.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jim Beat (see all articles)

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!

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